Turnabout Mishaps
by talewind
Summary: A series of Phoenix Wright drabbles. Why? Well, why not? Will be updated infrequently, ratings can vary from K to T.
1. How the Slashing Began

**1. How the Slashing Began**

**Author's note:** I'm not a fan of slash, I admit, but I decided that this would be a fun take on what spawned the whole "FEENIE LURVES EDGEY-POOOO" fad. :P

Also, don't expect any updates to this within the next month; I do have ideas for a few more drabbles, but I'll be busy worrying myself into anemia with the school musical, finals prep, and NaNoWriMo. Why do I do this to myself? _

x X x

"OBJECTION!"

"Oh my gosh," Maya groaned. "This is, like, Mr. Edgeworth's seventh 'OBJECTION!' straight!" She blew a braid out of her face. "Does he really need to be so nitpicky?"

"Relax, Maya," chided Mia, who was currently being channeled through Pearl. "Mr. Edgeworth is only being...thorough...in his investigation." Mia had to admit to herself, though, that she knew that that was a stretch. She was well aware that the prosecutor's case was almost completely airtight by now.

Maya refused to let it go. "I mean, seriously! The way that he and Nick argue, you'd think they were a married couple or something!"

She suddenly stopped, a strange look coming over her face. "A married couple," she echoed, a sly grin creeping across her face.

Mia/Pearl's eye twitched.


	2. The Final Blow

Author's note: The first Ace Attorney game I played, to be honest, was AAI, just this spring. Thusly, I grew to like some of its characters. Upon completing the game, I wondered what Lang's relationship with Shih-Na/Calisto Yew had _really_ been like...  
Drabble rating: T

x X x

"Calisto Yew."

The bailiff's voice echoed eerily on the wind, its tone matching the darkly overcast Zheng Fa sky. Yew stood boldly in front of the firing squad-her face was thin and gaunt, her black hair was ragged, and Shi-Long Lang could hardly see how she had been his assistant Shih-Na.

"Ms. Yew, you have been convicted of murder, forgery, theft, perjury, and other offenses in not only this country, but in others as well. Your punishment for these offenses is the death penalty by firing squad."

"Really?" she remarked, her eyes wide and an expression of mock surprise on her face. "I never would have imagined!" She let out a shrill, grating laugh which quickly tuned into a hacking cough.

Lang was unable to suppress the chilling shudder that coursed down his spine. He clenched his jaw stoically, his finger tightening on the trigger guard of his rifle subconsciously. He knew that Yew was only putting on this act to set him on edge, to unnerve him.

What really frightened him was that it was working.

"Firing squad, at the ready," the bailiff commanded, and Lang shouldered the rifle in perfect synchronization with the other members of the firing squad. Another stiff wind howled in their faces.

The bailiff turned to look at Yew with the most disdainful contempt. "Ms. Yew, do you have any last words you wish to present before those assembled here?"

"Oh, yes, most definitely," she crooned, her thin lips drawing into a startlingly malicious smile. "Agent Lang?" Her eyes locked on to his and he felt a rush of irrational panic rise in his stomach. Lang kept his face completely emotionless with considerable effort. He acknowledged her voice with the slightest of nods so as to not betray himself. He steeled himself, preparing for the worst.

"I'm pregnant."

_BANG!_

Lang looked around wildly for the one who had fired the shot. Everyone was staring at him.

_No...oh, God, no...!_

He broke into a cold sweat. He did it. He was the one who had fired the fatal shot.

Lang dropped the rifle as if it had scalded him and ran towards the corpse of Calisto Yew. Blood poured steadily out of the bullet hole directly below her breast and flecked her lifeless face. That venomous smile of victory was still etched across her features as she lay there, broken.

The wind howled once more accompanied by a thunderclap and the clouds fell open, drenching the gathering with rain.

It was finally over; Lang should have been glad. Why, then, did he feel so empty?


	3. Narnians and Algae Balls What?

**Author's note:** Dedicated to two epically awesome best friends! You know who you are~  
**Drabble rating:** K+

x X x

Miles Edgeworth really hated the world sometimes.

As it happens, today was one such day.

The world _had_ to be out to get him.

What had he done this time to warrant such discrimination from the Fates?

_Urgh,_ Edgeworth thought. _Boorish buffoons._

There had been a slight...misunderstanding...at the office only a few hours ago. The prosecutor had already been in a particularly dark mood and was brooding at his desk when the file clerk showed up at his office door with a case file he needed urgently _one minute and twenty-three seconds late_.

Edgeworth snapped. Let's just say that the ensuing chaos, lasting for a good hour and a half, involved a vending machine, paper cuts, and the judge's most prized mallet. Gumshoe, the judge, and two janitors had to get involved before Franziska arrived on the scene, bullwhip in tow.

I would assume, dear reader, that you can imagine what happened next?

Edgeworth flinched. He had forgotten just how painful the girl's righteous fury could be. How he'd love to find where she kept that infernal bullwhip and burn it and scatter its ashes on the wind, or...

_BOOM!_

Rain fell from the heavens by the pailful, soaking Edgeworth to the bone. Why did his car have to break down that morning?

Almost as if taunting him, a dark van approached his solitary figure. How bloody lovely.

...Wait.

He did a double-take. Dark van. Approaching slowly. He was alone.

The words that filled the prosecutor's mind next are unfit to reproduce in print.

How could he have been so stupid not to notice before? The van had probably been following him all the way from the High Prosecutors' Building! He quickened his pace immediately.

The van sped up, too.

A uncomfortable sweat broke out on his already drenched skin. What was going on? This only happened in really bad cop shows or melodramatic movies!

The van driver seemed not to be able to wait on Edgeworth any longer. It sped up to his side as the side door slid open. When Edgeworth glanced inside with horror, he saw a short blond teenage girl at the wheel, a sinister grin on her lips. Suddenly another teenage girl with long brown hair and glasses grabbed Edgeworth by the shoulders and yanked him into the car, all while in the middle of a giggle fit.

The door slammed shut and the van launched down the street with a screech of the tires, while the girls up front cackled maniacally.

It was only then, after he had gotten over the initial shock, that Edgeworth realized he wasn't alone. Hardly daring to turn around, he listened too their voices. Surprisingly, they were all men:

"My life sucks! I need to get out of here and find out why the Keyblade chose me!"

"Shut up! None of us is getting out of this mess! Got it memorized?"

"This is all so highly illogical..."

"What about the Glee competition? I have to get back so Rachel doesn't take my place!"

Edgeworth sighed. This was going to be a long car ride...

x X x

Sooo...can anyone guess who all those guys in the car were? :


	4. Cardboard Box

**Author's opening note: **I asked my good friend monopods89 for a prompt of a character and a word. She gave me Gumshoe and a cardboard box. I would like to point out that "cardboard box" is, in fact, _two_ words, but oh well. Beggars can't be choosers, eh? :3  
Also, I finally figured out how to insert page breaks! Yay! XD

**Drabble rating:** K

* * *

"Okay, pal. I've had enough of this."

Silence.

"I'm not afraid of you!"

More silence.

"Pal, one of us is going to have to go, and it ain't gonna be me, so it'll have to be you!"

The cardboard box stared stubbornly back at Detective Dick Gumshoe.

Gumshoe sighed. It hadn't been that long ago that Mr. Wright had been disbarred for forging evidence-something the detective still didn't quite believe-and lost everything, eventually becoming a hobo and vanishing off of the radar. Once again, circumstances had compelled Dick Gumshoe to reevaluate his life.

He may have been living on heavily cut wages and instant ramen (not to mention he had to take care of Missile), but he was far from giving up. Maggey, Mr. Edgeworth and Kay still needed him, pal!

The soggy cardboard hobo home would not claim Detective Gumshoe. This he swore.

Gumshoe's moment of self-confidence was cut brief when the smoke detector in his tiny apartment started blaring and Missile started barking. His ramen was burning!

As Gumshoe rushed to the kitchen to minimize any damage, the cardboard box remained.

Sooner or later, it _would_ claim Dick Gumshoe...

* * *

**Author's closing note: **I don't know why, but it's just so easy to be mean to Gummy... :P


	5. Watermelons

**ryu's corner:** This one was another monopods prompt, with the featured character being Kay Faraday. Also, new author's note title-thing! :3

Drabble rating: K

* * *

"Even in the depths of night, when no other bird dares to take flight, one alone soars to shine the light of righteousness on the world's blight! And that one is me! For I am the Great Thief, Yatagarasu!"

Kay hummed the James Bond theme quietly to herself as she slipped through the previously-locked door. It was almost too easy! He'd never see it coming!

She toyed absently with the tiny video camera in her hand as she surveyed the room once more. Where would be a good place...?

A small _ding! _could almost be heard as she spotted the glass case containing _the suit_. Perfect! But first...

Kay stole away to the window in the back of the office that overlooked the sprawling cityscape. Her hand ghosted over the various objects littering the sill until...yes!

She picked up the small Steel Samurai figurine and, grinning widely, stashed it in her bag. Then she reached back in and pulled out another figurine-the Jammin' Ninja!

Oh, she couldn't _wait _to see Edgeworth's reaction!

Suddenly the lights flickered on and Kay froze.

She was _so _screwed over.

"Kay. You will explain in ten seconds what you are doing in my office at this ungodly hour or be forcibly removed."

Stall! Quick! Um... "'Forcibly removed', Edgey? That sounds a little rough for you!" she attempted, laughing at her own joke. Edgeworth's face remained blank.

"Five seconds."

"Ah! Um, okay! I was looking for...um..." She wracked her brain. "...Watermelons!"

"Watermelons."

"Yeah! I was running out, and they're, like, my favorite fruit!"

Beat. "So, you decided to try and find some in my office."

"Um, yeah! I thought you'd have a minifridge or someth-"

"And you needed my Steel Samurai statuette for this, why?"

A braver person than Kay Faraday would have quailed under Edgeworth's glare. As for Kay herself? She nearly peed her pants. Skirt. Whatever.

"Um...uh...that is-"

And the video camera?"

Whoa! How did he know she had that!

"It's in your hand, Kay."

Whoa! She hadn't said a thing! Maybe Edgeworth was secretly a mind reader or something!

"I am nothing of the sort."

Wh-

"Get. _Out._"

Kay Faraday, the Great Thief Yatagarasu, sprinted to the door, shoving the statuette into Edgeworth's hand as she went.

The prosecutor sighed. _That's another paycheck cut for Gumshoe and his mind-bogglingly lax security..._


	6. Almost, Japanifornia

**ryu's corner:** Yeah, in case it wasn't quite obvious, this is me stealing a scenario from the play "Almost, Maine", (So good! I know monopods89 and marimo161 can attest to this~) and shoving Ace Attorney stuff into it. WARNING: CONTAINS MASSIVE FLUFF!

Drabble rating: K+

* * *

"...And take THIS!"

Maggey Byrde heaved yet another giant red sack into the already cluttered apartment. She gestured wildly toward it and the other...five? six?...already present, glaring furiously at a now very small-looking Dick Gumshoe.

"This," she cried out, "is ALL the love you gave to me!

"When you came into my life, I thought that maybe my horrible luck had changed for the better. Was this the case? NO! Instead, I get roped into, like, NINE murder investigations, have to change between SIX different jobs, and never ONCE hear you tell me 'It'll be okay'! Only empty confessions of 'LOVE'! WHAT do you have to say for yourself?"

Gumshoe said nothing, only looking sadly to the side.

"That's what I thought," Maggey huffed. "Now. Where's all the love I gave YOU? I want it ALL back!"

Gumshoe sniffed. He slowly reached into his filthy trenchcoat and produced...

...a single tiny red bag.

Maggey was lost for words. She sputtered incoherently for a moment before snatching the small offering. "Give me that!" she finally hissed. "There's no way that it could all possibly fit in-"

Her heart skipped a beat.

And another.

She sucked in a breath and pulled a small black box out of the bag. She looked up at Gumshoe, eyes wide. "Is it...? You...?"

Gumshoe allowed himself a small grin. "You bet, pal."

With trembling hands and shaky breath, Maggey prized the box open to find the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen.

...Well, that was a lie. But, still.

She had often fantasized of a handsome movie star wearing a new tuxedo in her favorite color, bending down on a single knee, and presenting her with a ring with large diamond the size of her eye that sparkled in the light. What Dick Gumshoe had given her was nothing even half as elegant, but ten times more important.

The ring was a simple band of gold-not a gemstone in sight. Engraved was a single word: _forever_. She could only imagine the number of instant ramen meals he'd had to skip in order to pay for it!

"I know the timing's kind of off, pal, and it's not what you expected...but will you marry me, Maggey?"

She burst into tears, slid the ring onto her finger, and flung herself into her fiancé's arms.

"It's all I ever wanted, Dick!"

~_fin_~


	7. Pearls of Wisdom

**ryu's corner: **Hey, I think this is my shortest drabble yet! I apologize to those of you who _despise_ short drabbles with the burning passion of over 9,000 suns, but there wasn't really a lot to do with this idea. It just kinda worked itself out...short. :/

**Drabble rating: **K

* * *

"Mr. Nick?"

Phoenix turned to look at Pearl Fey, seated on the stool next to him at—where else?—the burger restaurant.

_Curse you, Maya, _he brooded, as the aforementioned spirit channeler took an inhumanly large bite out of her burger. _You and your greasy meat-loving ways will be the death of my wallet someday..._

"What is it, Pearl?" he asked, forcing a smile.

Pearl bit her lip, seeming unsure of herself. "Whenever I'm channeling Mystic Mia," she began, "you spend a lot of time talking with her."

Pause.

"Um, okay. I guess so."

"What do you and Mystic Mia talk about?"

Phoenix blinked, his face flushing slightly. "Well," he began slowly. "We talk about cases I'm working, mostly, and...other stuff."

"'Other stuff'," Pearl repeated, humming to herself. After another brief pause, she asked suddenly, "Mr. Nick, was Mystic Mia your special someone?"

The defense attorney was taken aback. He tried to articulate for at least a minute before giving up.

"Mr. Nick?"

"Yeah," Phoenix sighed after another moment of hesitation, crumpling his cheeseburger wrapper absently. "I guess she was."

And suddenly Pearl's tiny arms had wrapped themselves around him. "It's okay," she said, her voice quivering. "She might be dead, but she's not gone, right?" She broke the hug for a moment to tap his chest. "She'll always be alive in there."

The tender moment lasted for not five seconds before Maya belched loudly. "Ah, that was so _gooood_!" she moaned. "Did I miss something?"

Phoenix and Pearl facepalmed simultaneously.

~_fin_~


	8. Phantoms

**ryu's corner:** You know how Ghost Trick and Ace Attorney (DON'T OWN EITHER!) take place in the same universe? Well, this plot bunny popped up when I saw someone comment that Detective Jowd is like Gumshoe's cooler older brother or something... Somewhat of a tag to **"Cardboard Box" (4)**.

**Drabble rating:** K+

* * *

When Dick Gumshoe had heard the news, he couldn't believe it. He _wouldn't _believe it!

Jowd, accused of _murder ! ? _N-no way that could be right, pal!

...Right?

The young detective buried his face in his hands. He remembered the day he had first met Jowd vividly. It was Gumshoe's first day on the job, and he had arrived at the precinct HQ with what he had heard described as a "deer in the headlights" look.

(Now that he thought about it, he'd seen the same look on Mike Meekins' face when he'd first turned up, too, and on Maggey's.)

Gumshoe had stumbled around awkwardly, bumping into people and apologizing constantly, searching for whoever it was who was supposed to show him the ropes. Eventually, he was backing away slowly from a very angry looking guy who had been in the middle of...well, he wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it looked like some kind of _dance_, when Gumshoe had tripped and nearly fallen on top of the guy. In backing away, he inevitably managed to back into someone _else_.

Papers flew everywhere and Gumshoe scrambled to help pick them up, still apologizing, still profusely.

"It's perfectly fine," the man chuckled good-naturedly.

Gumshoe glanced at one of the papers curiously. "Y-you're an artist, pal?"

The man stopped. "I suppose you could say that," he replied, stroking his impressive dark blond beard. "After all, you can't exactly expect someone to do nothing but policework all day, can you?" He gathered the rest of the papers up quickly.

He shuffled his feet. "I g-guess not, pal."

The man stood up and took a closer look at Gumshoe's face (which was a little creepy, to be honest). "I don't think I've seen you around before," he mused. He stoked his beard a bit more before snapping his fingers. "Ah, you're the new rookie, aren't you?"

Gumshoe smiled proudly. "Officer Dick Gumshoe, sir! I plan to be a detective someday!"

The man smiled and shook his hand. "Detective Jowd." Something must have occurred to him at this moment, because his smile faltered. "You're probably looking for someone to show you around HQ, aren't you?"

Gumshoe scratched his head. "Yeah. No one ever really told me where to go, pal..."

Jowd pursed his lips. "Well, that's a problem, Officer Gumshoe. We'll have to take care of that for future rookies." He gave Gumshoe a sidelong glance. "In the meantime, why don't I show you around?"

It was in this moment that Jowd had become Gumshoe's mentor and idol-perhaps even a surrogate father? He had learned most of the tricks of the trade of being a detective from him (this tutelage had later continued under Detective Tyrell Badd when Jowd had gotten a transfer), including what had become known as one of Gumshoe's trademarks: wearing a pencil behind his ear at all times.

"Inspiration can hit at any moment," Jowd had told him, "whether for art, or for clues for a case. When that happens, you have to be prepared to write it down, or you'll end up forgetting. At that point, you may as well call it a cold case."

But now, Jowd was gone-in jail, no less! For the murder of his _wife_, pal!

At that moment, an overwhelming feeling of abandonment and loneliness swept over the detective.

_Phoenix, Mr. Edgeworth, Detective Badd, even Maya Fey, and now Jowd..._

All these people that had made him who he was...

...Gone.

All he had left were the fleeting memories of what they had left behind. He was surrounded by phantoms.

Alone in his apartment, Dick Gumshoe started to cry.

~_fin_~


	9. Vikings

**ryu's corner:** Leave it to monopods to come up with the most difficult prompt ever...ugh. I only came up with the idea for this one a couple of days ago, after I decided, "Screw it, I'll just make it Halloween-themed." It originally had Kay instead, but then I decided the other character was a MUCH better idea...

And, yes, I do support Larry/Franzy. Problem? :|

**Drabble rating:** K

* * *

When the infernal doorbell rang for the twenty-third time that night, Miles Edgeworth was loath to answer it. But, as was his duty on All Hallow's Eve, he sighed and, long-suffering, picked the bowl of candy up and opened the door-

"Trick or treat~!"

He froze.

"Lawrence, what are you doing at my house?" the prosecutor demanded, gesturing vaguely at his head. "And what, dare I ask, is that _thing _on your head?"

Sure enough, it was none other than The Butz standing in his doorway, dressed in a ridiculous and very furry get-up, holding open a giant garbage bag.

"It's a Viking helmet!" Larry said proudly, puffing his chest out. "It's part of my Halloween costume! Vikings were the proudest, most powerful ancient warriors—just like me! ...Except for the ancient part..." He did a double-take at Edgeworth's bowl and gasped. "Are those Snackoos?"

Miles yanked the bowl away from Larry's reach. "For the _children_, Lawrence. Not those with childlike mentalities! You are too old for this!"

Larry's eye grew huge and his lower lip began to protrude. "E-edgey," he whimpered. "Your words...they cut me to the core! How could you be so meeeean?"

Edgeworth rubbed his temples. "Lawrence, you are interrupting my work on my case. Even if I weren't, why would I give you anything?"

"...Because you're my best friend?"

"Sorry, wrong answer. Better luck next time."

Larry's face became unusually smug, and apprehension built in the pit of Edgeworth's stomach. "Even if I showed them...these?" His hand plunged into his garbage bag and produced two sheets of paper.

"OBJECTION!" Edgeworth declared. "...I have no idea what those papers are, Larry," he continued, wagging a finger at the child-man, "but knowing you, they're likely inane and completely useless."

"Actually, they are _very _inane! And that is how I'll defeat youuu!"

"...From what you just said, I _highly _doubt that you know what that word means."

"TAKE THAT!" Larry shouted, flipping the papers around. "BEHOLD! A picture of the Steel Samurai and a ticket to his show last weekend!"

Edgeworth felt a chill go up his spine, but decided to play along anyway. "Why on earth would I want a ticket to last week's Steel Samurai show?" he asked dryly.

"That's just the thing," Larry smirked. "You wanted this ticket a week ago!" He dramatically pointed his finger at the prosecutor in the same fashion as many lawyers. "You bought this ticket for last week's show, and thusly were in attendance!"

Twitch. "So?"

Larry's grin grew even wider, and Edgeworth shivered. From the draft the buffoon was letting in, no doubt.

"So..." Larry answered slyly. "After the show, you decided to get a picture of the Steel Samurai signed..."

Edgeworth's eyes suddenly snapped open. _NO._

"Yes." The prosecutor could practically see the horns sprouting from Larry's head. "You seem to have forgotten...that I am the actor for the Steel Samurai!"

"_Ngooooooh!"_

"And now, if you don't hand over the Snackoos"-he glanced lustfully at the bowl in Edgeworth's hand-"the entire high prosecutors' building will know about your Steel Samurai obsession!"

"H-HOLD IT!" the prosecutor commanded shakily. "How did you even _get _those? They remain under lock and key in my office!"

Larry whistled innocently. "Let's say a little bird told me..."

Edgeworth recoiled. "Kay...!"

"Yep!" came the cheery response. "Now, the Snackoos, if you please..."

The papers were immediately snatched from Larry's hand and violently replaced with a package of Snackoos. "Go to hell, Lawrence."

"Thanks, Edgey!" Larry said simply. Then, to the utter bewilderment, astonishment, and utmost horror of the young prosecutor, "Let's go to the next house, Franzy!"

"F-_Franziska?_"

Lo and behold, there was the blue-haired girl, standing in the shadows, wearing a costume _nearly identical to Larry's_, an expression of gleeful malice on her face. "My dear little brother," she purred. "I had _no idea _you were such a big fan of the Steel Samurai..."

"Nngh...!"

"Just wait until Mr. Wright finds out!" she gushed. "You'll be utterly _ruined_!" Cackling, she spun on her heel and ran off. "Wait for me, Lawrence! Or else!"

In all the shocks of the night...

"Larry...and Franziska...?" Edgeworth slumped against his doorframe. "...Just shoot me now, please."

~_fin_~


	10. Glasses

**ryu's corner: **This prompt comes from Marimo161. I have to admit, the idea for this one came oddly easily. I blame the Ask Ace Attorney Tumblr I found. o3o

...Actually, the original plan was for Edgeworth to be the one with glasses, but then a different idea struck me...

**Drabble rating: **K

* * *

Miles Edgeworth pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. This was proving to be quite the exhausting case, and Wright wasn't even involved with this one!

Suddenly, someone knocked _loudly _at his office door, and he frowned. "Enter," he groused, not stopping to look up from the file or his notes.

"Mr. Edgeworth, SIR!"

Urgh. He should have known from that knocking.

"What is it, Detective Gumshoe?" the prosecutor demanded wearily. "I don't exactly have time for dilly-dally at the moment."

"Oh," Gumshoe said, scratching at the back of his head. "Well, I just picked up those files you asked for, pal..."

"Ah." Still, he didn't look up from his work. "If you could please set those by the lamp..."

"All right." The files landed with a dull _thump_. "Is that all you needed, pal?"

"I believe so..." Edgeworth glanced up. "Well, actually, if you could—" He stopped. "Detective...what are you wearing?"

Gumshoe looked confused, as evidenced by the vacant expression and consequent looking himself over. "Huh? This is what I normally wear, pal, isn't it—?"

"I've never seen you wearing _glasses _before, Gumshoe."

Realization dawned on his face. "Oh! These?" Said glasses slipped a bit and he pushed them farther up his nose. "I guess I've had 'em for a while, pal, I've just never really felt like I needed to wear 'em, then I started getting headaches when I tried to read..."

"...They don't look bad on you, Detective. They make you look more...academic, maybe? ...No. Intellectual. No, that's not it, either..." Edgeworth tapped his pen against the desk as he tried to think of the proper way to describe this new development. "...They make you look like less of a bumbling moron."

"...O-Oh. Thank you, Mr. Edgeworth." _I think._

"Well, in any case," Edgeworth coughed. "Thank you for the files. I shall call you if there is anything else I need, but for now, I have _quite_a bit of work to be doing." He paused. "And thank you for the company, brief as it may have been."

"Umm...you're welcome, pal." Gumshoe shoved his glasses back up and shuffled his feet awkwardly before turning to leave.

As the door closed behind the detective, Edgeworth started tapping his pencil again. Glasses weren't exactly cheap, especially with a detective's salary. Perhaps he shouldn't be so vicious with those pay cuts...

_~fin~_


	11. Deerstalker

**tale's corner:** This prompt (as well as the next one) comes from **marimo161**! Seriously, if you're into Klaine, or AkuRoku, or Zemyx, check out her stuff!

Also, cookies for people who get it. If you don't get it, figure it out, or _I will burn the heart out of you._

Drabble rating: K

* * *

"SURPRISE!"

"Nnngooooooh!"

Confound it all. They _knew_.

It must have somehow leaked through the local law offices that today was Miles Edgeworth's birthday. Said attorney suspected the work of one certain Detective, and took the opportunity to silently curse Dick Gumshoe and the universe.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. EDGEWORTH/EDGEY/PAL!" the assembled group cheered.

(Edgeworth fought back a wave of nausea and revulsion when Wendy Oldbag appeared in his window, her horrific smile smashed against the glass. He pulled the curtains shut almost immediately.)

He wanted so desperately to kick all these hooligans out of his office...but they had even gone through the trouble of getting a cake and gifts (oh, _joy_), and Edgeworth wasn't _that_heartless.

"Fine," he sighed. "Just this once..."

And he was immediately mobbed by children. Yes, Larry was included in that category.

~x~

"...Ah. Tickets to the next Steel Samurai event. How..._thoughtful_ of you, Lawrence."

"Come on, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay griped. "We all know you love the Steel Samurai more than human companionship. You can accept the tickets."

"..." As much as Edgeworth loathed how she had phrased it (he did _not_appreciate fictional characters more than people!), she had a point. Would it really matter to all these people if he showed he liked the Steel Samurai? "Thank you, Larry," he finally managed, his tone sincere enough for everyone to let him off of the proverbial hook.

"Ooh! Ooh! Open Mr. Nick's next!" Pearl urged, bobbing in her seat. The prosecutor kindly obliged—after all, what would people think if he told a seven-year-old no? After the spirit medium-in-training pointed the round box out, Edgeworth picked it up and sportingly gave it a soft shake. Hmm. Whatever it was, it was about the size of the box, but not very heavy.

Carefully slitting the wrapping paper near the box's lid with a new letter opener (to the groans of everyone in the room), he pulled the lid up to reveal...

…

Erm...what _was_ it? It _looked _familiar, but...

Edgeworth nodded at Wright graciously. "Thank you, Mr. Wright. "I've always wanted a...flying...death-frisbee."

Phoenix's brow furrowed. "...It's a hat, Miles."

"Is it?" He picked the death-frisbee up and inspected it. Sure enough, it did seem made to fit on one's head.

"Yeah. I forget what it's called..." Maya hastily whispered something in his ear and the attorney amended his testimo...erm, his statement. "That's it, a deerstalker—that hat that Sherlock Holmes always wears in the stories and stuff." He shrugged modestly. "You remind me of him."

Ah, _that's_ why it was familiar. "I'm flattered, Mr. Wright," Miles acquiesced. "Thank you." _Glad to know that I remind you of a drug-addicted vigilante..._

_~fin~_


End file.
